Lessons from an FBI hostage negotiator

Uncategorized Nov 09, 2022

Hello my rockstar friend of the universe!!

I listened to an interview with an FBI hostage negotiator recently...

They got to talking about ‘what works’ and ‘what doesn’t work’ from a FBI hostage negotiation standpoint, when criminals rob a bank.


Picture any bank robbery scene from the movies where the bank robbers get trapped in the bank and end up on a phone call with the FBI or police negotiator.


He said what works to diffuse those situations is when the bank robber “feels that he or she has been heard.”


That's because the robbers often have some “cause” they are standing for by robbing the bank.


That “cause” is deeply important to the bank robbers.

While it may or may not make sense to anyone else -- well, that's irrelevant.


The bank robbers are willing to die, and/ or injure others, for their cause.


Putting yourself in the bank robbers shoes, you couldn’t probably imagine how INEFFECTIVE it would be to simply say “Come out with your hands up” and completely ignore that they have a “cause.”


But, once the bank robbers feel “heard” they are more likely to calm down and negotiate.


Why is that important to you?


Well, think of how this applies to your personal relationships.

Your personal relationships are one of the greatest sources of joy in your life, and potentially also one of the greatest sources of hurt & pain.


It’s my experience that SO MUCH of our mental & emotional stress comes from our relationships when they aren't working.


And one of the biggest mistakes we make in our relationships, especially at times of debate or argument, is not listening or understanding the other person’s perspective.


Not hearing those who matter to you is one of the quickest ways to ruin those relationships.


So my friend, keep this in mind.


You can use any point of contention as an opportunity to actually GROW your relationship deeper with those who matter to you, rather than putting a wedge in between the relationship.


Last thing I’ll say is that you absolutely do not have to sell out or be quiet when you have something to communicate.


We could do a 3-day workshop on this :).


You get to have people in your life who also hear YOU.


And, when you model that for the people in your life (not from a manipulee place = "I'll listen to them so that they listen to me"), but from a place of curiosity, you’ll most likely attract more people who do the same for you.


Enjoy your day my friend!




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